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Caregivers Finding Someone to Lean On

Caregivers Finding Someone to Lean On (c) USA TODAY February 17, 2004 (c) USA TODAY - February 17, 2004 Larry Atencio knew his father had had diabetes for years. But he was still shocked by what he saw a year and a half ago, when he went home to visit. ’’Everything was upside down,’’ says Atencio, 44. His dad couldn’t get out of bed to go to the bathroom; his mother couldn’t lift him. ’’She was on the verge of a nervous breakdown,’’ Atencio says. ’’I had a pretty good job in Denver, but . . . my parents needed me, so I just followed my heart.’’ That meant moving 70 miles to Colorado Springs and becoming a full-time caregiver. Atencio’s heart may have told him what he should do, but it certainly didn’t tell him how to do it. That’s the case for most people who end up caring for an aging parent, spouse, or other relative. They have no training in caregiving and no real idea what to do or what to expect. But there is help. A growing number of classes, support groups, therapy and respite care options are becoming available for the USA’s growing army of overextended caregivers. Often, however, taking care of themselves is their last priority. It shouldn’t be, says Mary Mittelman of the Silberstein Institute for Aging and Dementia at the New York University School of Medicine. She began a study in 1987 of husbands and wives who care for an Alzheimer’s-impaired spouse. Caregivers who received counseling and support were able to cope better. They also could keep their Alzheimer’s-impaired spouses out of nursing homes a median of 329 days longer than those not getting such services, she found. The study is continuing. For Atencio, help first came from a telephone hotline called the Eldercare Locator. It is paid for by the U.S. Administration on Aging, part of the Department of Health and Human Services. The phone line supplies people with information on local resources. Through the hotline, Atencio found a local agency and social worker who ’’sat me down and put a folder together with all the tools I needed. She was like an angel. It made my job so much easier.’’ He got his dad’s medication under control and also organized his father’s papers, including a living will. Atencio regularly attends caregiver-support groups at the local senior center. ’’They encourage us to stay healthy and ask family and friends to share the care,’’ he says. Betty York of Asheville, N.C., also sought support to help her deal with being caregiver for her mother, 88, who moved in with York and her husband after a stroke and memory loss. ’’There is no life,’’ she says. ’’It’s a full-time job.’’ She took a class called Powerful Tools for Caregivers, a six-session program that focuses on how caregivers can care for themselves. The curriculum was developed by Legacy Caregiver Services in Portland, Ore., and is now administered through Mather LifeWays’ Institute on Aging in Evanston, Ill. More than 10,000 caregivers throughout the country have now taken the course, which was first offered three years ago and continues to grow in popularity. ’’Too often the caregiver’s health gave out before the person receiving care,’’ says Vicki Schmall, who has worked with family caregivers for 30 years and co-wrote the book used in the Powerful Tools course. The class, which emphasizes self-care techniques and communications skills, is no panacea. But for York and others, it can make a difference -- especially in the most stressful moments. ’’Sometimes I want to tear out all my hair and just run and never stop. Sometimes I want to scream, and other times I say, ’Well, this is what I need to do.’ And I just calm myself down and get through it,’’ York says. ’’I don’t get as upset as I used to all the time. I know how to handle it.’’ Most important, the class has made her feel less isolated. It helps to know that ’’other people feel like I do -- they feel tied down,’’ she says. ’’The bond between the way we all feel is amazing because we have somebody to talk to. You understand? We have somebody to talk to.’’

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